Thursday, December 13, 2007

Working Mom

I am beginning a new phase in my life. Working mother. Sheesh, mother is new enough and now I'm adding "working" to the title.

Having a child has completely altered my view of myself. Where do I find my value? How do I see myself? After giving birth, I experienced feelings I didn't expect. I missed my job. Before delivering, I thought it would be nice to have a break. Being the workaholic that I am, I knew that it would be nice to focus on my family. But after delivering, I felt so useless. Yes, I was the life-sustainer for my son, but I still felt so useless. Which led me to think - where do I find my value? Do I truly find it in who Christ is within me or do I find it what I do for Christ? I think I found my answer which has been upsetting to say the least.

As a follower of Christ, I have endeavored to know who I am in Him and who He is in me. My rock, my deliverer, my shelter... all of that has meant something more than regurgitated Christianese. Now I fear that I'm back at square one, struggling to gain a confidence I thought I had. Was it shallow ground? Or do I just have to re-define it now that my life role has changed?

I think that I just got very caught up in the doing instead of the being. I want what I do to have value but I don't want it to be my value.

1 comment:

Mark Thomas said...

Awesome first post! Someone once told me to always make sure that I'm walking in my anointing first, before my gifting. I'm not sure if that hits you in any way, but it felt right.