I am beginning a new phase in my life. Working mother. Sheesh, mother is new enough and now I'm adding "working" to the title.
Having a child has completely altered my view of myself. Where do I find my value? How do I see myself? After giving birth, I experienced feelings I didn't expect. I missed my job. Before delivering, I thought it would be nice to have a break. Being the workaholic that I am, I knew that it would be nice to focus on my family. But after delivering, I felt so useless. Yes, I was the life-sustainer for my son, but I still felt so useless. Which led me to think - where do I find my value? Do I truly find it in who Christ is within me or do I find it what I do for Christ? I think I found my answer which has been upsetting to say the least.
As a follower of Christ, I have endeavored to know who I am in Him and who He is in me. My rock, my deliverer, my shelter... all of that has meant something more than regurgitated Christianese. Now I fear that I'm back at square one, struggling to gain a confidence I thought I had. Was it shallow ground? Or do I just have to re-define it now that my life role has changed?
I think that I just got very caught up in the doing instead of the being. I want what I do to have value but I don't want it to be my value.