Wordless Wednesdays

I just really want to show off my husband's awesomeness...

Penn State Nittany Lion pride

Incognito

Showing off his manliness!

Just stinking AWESOME!

The Two Biggest Blessings of My Life

Paul and I were married for 4 years before Derek came along. And I just couldn't imagine life getting any better. How could it??? My husband was the man of my dreams. Dreams I didn't even know I had until God showed me what dreams really were. He far exceeded my expectations in what I thought I would ever find, want or deserve in a spouse. Then came my son. And God just keeps exceeding my expectations, one right after another.

My Husband Just Does Not Get Blogging....

Conversation I just had with my husband as we're sitting together, "reading"...

Paul: How's that book coming along?
Me: Just give me a minute. I just want to check my Technorati rating real quick.
Paul: While you're at it, you wanna check your dork rating?
Me: I'm blogging that.

That conversation is officially blogged.

***Update: After I wrote this blog, Paul stayed up for another hour and a half fixing his blog. Let's talk dorky.

Shamed Into Isolation

I remember after a year of being married I was talking to a gal who had been married 6 months. All of the sudden, we started sharing all of these ridiculous scenarios in our home lives and the bumps we'd faced being newly married. I mentioned that 6 months into my marriage, I realized that sleeping on the couch wasn't having its intended effect and was only hurting me. Her mouth dropped wide open as she said, "You did that, too???" And I think, for the first time, I realized that people are really suffering from the same things that everyone else is. 1 Peter 5:9 says "...because you know that your fellow believers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings." Now, I'm sure the author was referring to more intense sufferings than, oh say, not putting the receipts on the desk because your husband has asked you to multiple times and you will not be talked to and reminded of things like a child! But, I digress. I'm sure Peter was referring to harder trials than that.

Paul and I had dinner with some friends of ours and they asked how we liked being parents. I was unable to suppress how I was really adapting to parenthood, which has been a rocky adjustment at best. I mentioned my postpartum depression and how it's been difficult for me. It's been a very angry depression (insert sympathy for Paul here). The gal of this couple we ate with talked about her bouts of postpartum depression and a massive amount of freedom overcame me as I verbally vomited all over her as she completely empathized with my feelings of inadequacy and guilt. And the shame that I've felt that I'm not the superwoman that I thought I was. I should be able to be the perfect wife, mother and employee. Why is this so hard? Why don't I want to stay home with my kid? Why do I have the desire to fall asleep at 9pm when I used to be able to stay up and watch Conan? Why do I resent that my life has changed? What kind of mother am I for feeling that way? This can't be normal.

And I found out tonight that it is normal. Isn't that the way it always is? We hide our fears, desires, thoughts, etc. out of some sense of shame that nobody could possibly be thinking/feeling/wanting the same things we think/feel/want. But, if I can just get out of my head and my shame I will find comfort in the fact that I am, for example, not the only wife who sleeps lies awake all night on the couch in a vain effort to punish my husband which only ends up hurting me cause my husband is sound asleep, snoring like a little kitten while I anguish on the couch, and I'm left sleep-deprived with a crick in my neck and a sore back. Again, I digress.

So, in this struggle that I'm still very much in, I will endeavor to get out of my head and share the heartaches I've felt in my becoming a mom with those women whom God has placed in my life to be that sounding board. I will make an effort to get out my isolated cocoon of shame and understand that I cannot be the only one feeling these emotions I feel. However, I will keep a few things to myself, because there are those things that I'm sure could have me committed and/or arrested.

Oscars - European Conspiracy

I watched the Oscars last night and I loved it. I haven't watched them in awhile and I just enjoy watching them. My family used to play this game where each of us would guess who would win for each category and whomever got it right would go around and get to smack everyone five times. It sounds like it could pretty painful, but it never did. Five love taps on the arm. So, the Oscars are a little nostalgic for me. I tried playing the game with Paul, who was in the guest room watching something sports-irific. I kept playing the game with him, even though he wasn't participating. He wasn't too thrilled about it, but I was. It's not everyday I get to smack my husband around, but I digress.

Anyhoo, there were quite a few upsets last night. I didn't have the chance to see many of these movies, being a new mom and all, but you really can gauge a lot from those clips. Javier Bardem from "No Country for Old Men" was definitely going to take it. As was Daniel Day-Lewis, I mean, this guy is incredible in everything he's in. The absolute surprise was Marion Cotillard for "La Vie en Rose". I knew she deserved it. Which is awesome. Cause the actor/actress who deserves the Oscar doesn't always get it. Maybe it goes to the sentimental favorite. Or it goes to the person who seems to be hot on some agenda. I'm sorry, Denzel Washington is amazing, but he shouldn't have won it for 'Training Day'. Back to my point, the young and lovely Ms. Cotillard transformed into the aging Edith Piaf. She deserved the Oscar.

All this said, people are now talking about how the Oscars are as American as apple pie (huh?) and it is just shocking that no Americans won any of the top acting nods. What??? Srsly? Are we actually talking about this? People are, as I type this, analyzing why no Americans won an Oscar. For real? I love me some pop culture news shows, but this is ridiculous! I heard it compared to sports. "A European winning an Oscar is like Japan winning the Super Bowl." I'm sorry, really? We're comparing the Oscars to the Super Bowl? That's like comparing apples to sausages. Mmmmmmm..... sausages. Again, I digress.

C'mon news magazine correspondents. This just makes you look a mite too desperate for stuff to pontificate on, and I'm being nice cause when Britney or Lindsay aren't having a down day - you really do reach for the bottom of the barrel. It's okay if there's not much to talk about for the Oscars. It really is. We won't think you're huge failures if you don't find something to complain about, or find some sort of scandal where there is none. Put the camera down, just put the camera down. Some celebrity will do something stupid tonight and this whole "Nothing terribly scandalous happened with the Oscars" fiasco will all be over tomorrow.

Things My Husband Should Make For You, But Probably Never Will

Unless you are a friend and we have you over for dinner. Which we do quite often, so it really does pay to be my friend. I'm okay with being used for my husband's cooking. I just want to win the popularity contest.

So, tonight, my good ol' hubby is making his amazing Chicken Cordon Bleu. He's not making it for me, he's making it for a friend (see, it pays to be his friend, too). My husband is a pretty amazing cook. He's always been a better cook than me. He's better than me at most things except for music. Music's mine and he can't have it.

Anyway, it reminded me of a story I thought I'd share. When we first got married, all I really knew how to cook was spaghetti. And not the Ragu stuff. Granted, I don't make it from fresh tomatoes, but the ability season tomato sauce is a skill. It really is, so say I. Well, in our first week of marriage, I decided to venture and make him Tator Tot Hotdish. So, I make this dish and it was AWFUL! It wasn't a casserole, it was some sort of milky soupy thing with veggies, bland meat and soggy tator tots, with cheese on top. I cried and he ate, declaring it's goodness. He even ate a second helping and took some for work the next day. Although I knew that he was suffering by eating this crap on a plate, I thought, "Oh, how romantic. He eats my food even when it's bad." (Later on down the road in our marriage I realized that my husband is a "waste-not, want-not" kind of guy. He'll eat anything as horrific as it may be as long we're not wasting the meat that cost us money.)

While I was struggling to make a simple casserole, he's making shrimp scampi, chicken cordon bleu, stuffed peppers, homemade french fries and the list just goes on and on. There's nothing this man can't cook. He honestly makes the best turkey at Thanksgiving.

Tonight, he's making on of my favorite meals and I'll come home from work for chicken, garlic mashed potatoes and sauteed green beans w/ a salad. And food is so exciting to me, I thought I'd blog about it.

**Update: Dinner was awesome.